Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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