i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
smell my finger.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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