We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
