bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
