I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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