I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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