The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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