I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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