Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
