If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
