things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
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