You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
