I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The Olympian is in my bed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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