it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
