I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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