better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
