My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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