My hand turned me down
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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