my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
