Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
