God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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