OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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