I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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