I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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