i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
