I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
