Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
