dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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