so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
