honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
