I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
