Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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