So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
