I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
