my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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