my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
