Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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