You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
