I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You've changed since you got that strap on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
