? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
