What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
