I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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