Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
