my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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