Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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