I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
