and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
