it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
