As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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