Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
