I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
