is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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