dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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