I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
