Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
