You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
