i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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