if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
