oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
