Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
