he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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