My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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