i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
