yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
