Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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