um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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