The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
