I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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