we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yo dont text me then not text me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
