Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
