How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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