Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
