I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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