How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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