The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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